The facts presented below are based on the events that occurred during the Kangaroo Court on the way to Kelowna on the 24th of April. The names of the defendants have been changed to protect the innocent.
JUDGE | The Honourable Nick (Hanging Judge) Oliver |
PROSECUTOR | Malcolm (I escaped from Alcatraz) Solway |
PUBLIC DEFENDANT | Dr. Chuck (You can’t handle the truth) Jung |
BALIFFS | Craig (Stop talking and listen) Geddes |
Ehrich (The Stud) Falkenhagen |
DEFENDANT | OFFENSE | VERDICT | SENTENCE |
TWIT #01 | Whining | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #02 | Abandoning a teammate | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #03 | Vanity / Dying hair with lemons in 2009 | Guilty | Pickle juice hair rinse |
TWIT #04 | Missing the bus from the ferry | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #05 | Missing the bus from the ferry | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #06 | Not knowing the laws of Rugby | Guilty | 20 Push-ups |
TWIT #07 | Arguing with Coach/Captain | Not Guilty | |
TWIT #08 | Fighting / Whining / Bribery / Intimidation | Guilty | $20 / Dance on Field |
TWIT #09 | Usurping Alpha male stud role | Not Guilty | |
TWIT #10 | Naked Ziplining in public on 01July | Guilty | Naked singing O’Canada |
TWIT #11 | Naked Ziplining in public on 01July | Guilty | Naked singing O’Canada |
TWIT #12 | Whining about losing / stealing rum | Guilty | $20 |
TWIT #13 | Trespassing kid area on ferry | Guilty | 5min on playground |
TWIT #14 | Trespassing kid area on ferry | Guilty | 5min on playground |
TWIT #15 | Whining | Not Guilty | |
TWIT #16 | Losing the Twits MOM belt | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #17 | Losing the Twits MOM belt | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #18 | Losing the Twits MOM belt | Guilty | $10 |
TWIT #19 | Losing the Twits MOM belt | Acquitted | |
TWIT #20 | Streaking | Not Guilty |
Due to the skill and tenacity of the Public Defender, (You can’t handle the truth) Chuck, five Twits had their charges dropped and were set free. The others were not so fortunate. They served their sentences and it is hoped that they learned from their indiscretions.
We would like to thank all the defendants for being good sports and Nick, Malcolm, Chuck, Craig and Falky for their roles in the court. A special thanks goes out to Lolly and Peewee for organizing the event.